Instinct

Four days ago, I randomly had the urge to make a will, listing how I wanted to be buried, who I wanted to have the belongings I care about most, who I want to make the big decisions. Not that it will ever be rendered a legal document, I just wanted my wishes out there for the decent possibility I may die along the risk-filled journey of an adventurous life.

The next day, one of my closest relatives was finally finished off by Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease in her old age. While she could see the end coming for more than a year, I wonder if it really is better to personally take care of wrapping up all those loose ends at that point in life, or just dying suddenly and quickly. Strange energies this weekend move me to ponder strange thoughts perhaps. Most would probably prefer to have a buffer, but I would rather die suddenly and quickly, knowing that i lived every day as though it were my last.

Most of Western culture has a very unhealthy relationship with death. We do everything in our power to postpone death and attempt to treat it as we would some common ailment. Like financial debt, we put off the responsibilities to the things that in the deepest sense matter most to us until some later, unknown time. Life, death, the will to survive, to breed, to forge communities and relationships, all of the instincts that we attempt to manipulate and control using reason, are actually those priorities that should be given attention first and foremost.

A healthier relationship with death would necessitate a healthier list of priorities, where we love the people and things we care about most, but in such a way that accepts that these people and things can be lost forever at ANY time. Live every moment as if there will never be another chance, and you will be the definition of courage, intelligence, and creativity. Spend your time and energy on the things that matter to you most, and you will never be found discontent.